Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
