He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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