so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
