Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
