I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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