Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's blow job season.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
