I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need water and some morals
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
