i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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