Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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