i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did I show you my penis last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God, I missed his penis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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