shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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