I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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