I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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