he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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