I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
