Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
