did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
