Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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