You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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