I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You need a sexual gate keeper
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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