tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We need to get me chipped asap
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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