seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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