I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
