when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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