God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
