oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
3 2 1 whiskey
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
