So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
