how can u be prego again
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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