i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
