I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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