He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
