how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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