Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
