You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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