I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize