Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
