God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize