i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
