His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
