You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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