its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
