She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
