Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
