Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
