That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
