I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
