New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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