I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
