Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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