After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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