Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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