I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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