hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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