update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
