first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
