Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
