Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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