Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
