i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
