I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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