if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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