i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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