Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
