Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
