brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
