i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
