No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
