He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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