He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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