some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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