oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
